This past week has been a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions for me. I have shared with you my total elation about making the World Championship team and all of my silly giddiness that came along with it. What I haven’t shared thus far, however, is a bit of news I have received that has given me a ton of other things to think about and emotions to work through. As happy as I have been, I also feel as if dealing with this other stuff mentally has taken a bit of a toll.
The day after the U.S. Nationals ended, the athletes I train with down here at the Olympic Training Center found out that our coach is leaving at the end of this season to go work with athletes in the U.K. via mass email. It was shocking news that none of us expected and it has been heavy on my heart ever since. In case you are wondering, I have changed coaches and training locations every year since I’ve graduated from college. That now makes a total of 7 changes. Some of those changes were necessary and warranted, but not all. I have been craving consistency and for a chance to work within a program and with a coach that I trusted and believed in. And I thought I had found that here. Some of you may remember a post I wrote when I decided I was moving down here to train at the beginning of this season. Here is an excerpt:
And then I heard that a coach I had been trying to work with since back in 2004 might be hired down at the Olympic Training Center. In my opinion he’s one of the greatest coaches in the world and from our talks in previous years I know he doesn’t think I’m too shabby myself. So I asked him and found out it was true. …..
But now that I had talked to him I began to feel the fire lighting back up. I didn’t want to train just to train, but if I could train with him at a place where virtually everything is set up for success and we have access to the best of everything, it seemed like to good of an option to not consider.
Anyway, there is a lot to think about and try and figure out as far as my future is concerned but I realize that now is not the time for that. I have big things ahead of me this summer that deserve my utmost attention and I am trying my best to continue to stay focused on that. Because of how things unfolded however, there is a bit of a disconnect and trust issues that I now have and I’m just trying to figure out how to make the best of the situation. As individual as this sport is, there is a relationship you hope to have where it feels as if you approach something with a shared desire for success and a belief and trust in each other.
For now, I’m just praying for guidance and to just stay focused on the next few months and not worry about what the future may hold. I know that the confidence I have in myself is what matters most and so I’m counting on that to see me through. Thanks for listening…I feel better now that I’ve written it out.