I’ve now written 77 posts about the Super Bowl somewhere or another, and I just want them to play now. Right now. In the street, if necessary, like when Tommy Gunn and Rocky did it in Rocky 5, the third best Rocky movie. Fourth best maybe. It’s hard to rate art, but I can do it.
Anyway, I’m tired of talking about it. Short of analyzing the chemical composition of the plastic on their cleats, this game has been dissected in every possible way. That’s why I’m now going to talk about curling.
One thing I like about curling is that there is literally no difference between the men and women playing it. I also think it’s neat how they glide, one leg extended behind, sliding across the ice with what looks like a big, alien teapot.
And then those nuts with the brooms! Sweeping furiously as the thrower of the stone yells inaudible commands before the rock slides to a stop on the button. There’s no doubt about it, curling is fricking awesome.
When I think back to the great moments in curling, I really can’t remember any. But it’s so damn relaxing watching these people slide around and play shuffleboard. You might think I’m mocking this sport. I’m not. I love watching it and I wish it were on more.
I remember it like it was yesterday. Curling up next to the fire, watching two teams compete for the gold, one of them was probably the Canadian team because they excel at ice stuff… then I awoke from a peaceful slumber. On my television was now that sport where they ski and shoot stuff, which in my book is way more interesting than skiing and not shooting stuff. I happen to think all Winter Olympic sports could use the addition of a rifle, but that’s just me.
So there I lay, wrapped in a blanket watching Hans something shoot something, and I remembered I had missed the entire gold medal match. Oh no! Which team won? Which ones were playing? I’m sooo hungry. How long was I asleep? Did I DVR House? Was it even new this week? Then I went back to sleep.
Is a curling player called a “curler?” Is a German male player called “Herr Curler?” So many questions left unanswered from adoring fans who want to know the intricacies of the sport.
There’s really only one thing we can do to get curling in the mainstream where it needs to be, and quite simply, that is to promote it. It’s up to us, the media, to shine the spotlight brightly on this sport and spark the fire of interest that’s already been lit. And obviously, like everything else, I have to do it. I’m so tired of changing the world. It’s like, hello, little help over here? If I had some assistance, not only could we build an America where kids were wearing curling jerseys with the names of the greats like… Smith… and Jones… but one day we could have every Winter Olympian bearing arms. Give me bobsledders wielding AK 47?s and I’ll give you the greatest sport ever conceived by man.
We can do anything we set our minds to. That’s one of the great things about having a mind, you can set it to stuff and it happens sometimes. We make our fate. The world is our oyster, and we are its pearls. I don’t even know what that means or how it applies here, but metaphors inspire people, right? And they like