I’m completely self-employed. What does that mean, really? It means that there is absolutely nobody on the planet that really cares what I am doing on a day-to-day basis. No one. And normally that doesn’t really phase me because I’m a pretty self motivated person and have no problem working hard and pushing myself when I need to. I have learned over the years that the only person you can truly count on is you. That’s why I didn’t freak out when I learned I wouldn’t have a coach this year. In my younger years I could never do that. Any time the coach wasn’t there was a day to goof off and take it easy. Shoot, I remember my first 4-week winter break in college that I went home for. I practiced three days out of the whole month. No lie.
Last week in Southern California really tested my resolve. It rained non-stop all week. And I’m not talking about a bit of water falling from the sky, it was sheets of rain hitting you from every direction that at one point even turned to pellets of ice. ICE. In San Diego!!! But I made it through the week. Yesterday, however, when I saw that it was supposed to rain again, I started having internal conversations with myself. Every shoe company out there has expressly stated that they don’t want to pay me for doing what I do. But here I am. I have no coach watching my workouts, motivating me to give it my best. But here I am. Nobody but me will even know if I skip a workout. But here I am.
Why am I here?! I guess because at this stage of the game I’m only doing it for me. I don’t practice so that my coach will be proud of me, I don’t work hard so that shoe companies will feel they’re getting their money’s worth, and I don’t show up every day so that I can prove something to somebody else. I’m just doing it for myself. I work hard because I want to accomplish things and I believe that I can. By the time it’s all said and done, maybe others will be invested in whether I succeed or not, but on a cold, rainy Tuesday afternoon, it’s just me. So I laced up my shoes, threw on my rain jacket, and headed out. Today my boss said it was important for me to work hard so that’s exactly what I’m going to do. And wouldn’t you know…it didn’t even start raining until I was finished. 🙂