Last week I decided to sit down with my coach and tell him my plans for this upcoming season. Unfortunately, it didn’t go the way I had hoped. He is such an encouraging and positive person and has been great in the five years I’ve been here, but I heard the response that made me want to hide and then later fight: “Probably not, I’m not sure of the rules and no one else has done this before”. It literally flew me back to the time when women were fighting for the vote (yes, I’m hard core haha!). People kept feeding them crap like “No, you can’t do that. Women aren’t supposed to have legal rights”, blah blah blah. So what did they do? They decided that no one was going to tell them they CAN’T do something that they know they CAN.
I was angry, upset, and embarrassed as I stood there listening to what he had to say about rules and regulations that might inhibit me from getting to do this! After I left, I was mad that I didn’t lay down reason upon reason for why I wanted to do what I wanted to do and how it seemed unfair for a D3 athlete who wants to challenge themselves to have to jump through hoops in order to do so! I kind of thought that I was maybe asking for too much or something, although at the same time I felt like it wasn’t… It’s intimidating to think you might have to stand up to people who hold more power then you in order to get what you want. (and I know it happens on a daily basis but this was going to be a first for me).I finally realized how strong the women fighting for suffrage really were! They had to do this day after day! I also realized that my reaction was so unlike my character… I’m a ball buster! I was missing my spunk!
I decided I needed a night/day to let this whole thing sink in. I needed to decide what I was going to do: take action or let that be the end of it. I went for a run the next day and thought this whole thing through, struggling with whether I was getting in over my head or if I had the right do want to do this. I came to the conclusion that there is no way I am not going to fight for something I want. It doesn’t matter whether I end up getting to that big race and choke, it doesn’t matter if I go there and end up having an anxiety attack and not race, and it doesn’t matter if I go there and run my ass off and set a p.b., I’m going to try my hardest to make it an option. So I did. I talked to people, ended up not having to make my case too badly, and I’m pretty sure it is going to work out in my favor.
It’s so easy to let people write you off, and it’s easy to believe them!! I know I’m not a DI stud, I know I’m not the fastest woman out there, but I’ve worked hard and believe I at least deserve a chance. And there is nothing wrong with pushing yourself out of your comfort zone to see what you are really made of (and you should never be embarrassed to try).
All of this got me thinking… I wonder what the top athletes went through to get to where they are at? Did they know as a kid that they were going to try to make it as a top athlete? I’m guessing they had to know fairly early and make sacrifices in order to make it happen. Another “it hit me moment”!… That’s basically what all people who have a goal are doing. The only difference is the goal! I ended up finding this article on WomenTalkSports that gave me inspiration about my situation… You should all check it out here. Watch the video at the bottom…it’s awesome!!
Okay, I hope you watched it, the rest of the blog will make more sense if you did hehe! So I was thinking about the tweet Lolo sent right after winning: