Recently one of my hockey teammates asked me advice on how to handle a situation with her 14 year old teenage son. The son is a high level gymnast who has potential for a collegiate scholarship. He must travel out state to attend meets at his level, and often misses out on social events with friends. One of the biggest meets is occurring next month in his home state, a meet that would give him exposure to college coaches.

The dilemma: he was asked for the first time to attend a Sadie Hawkins dance (where the girl asks the boy). He was elated but it conflicted with the important meet in his own backyard. His absence from the meet, since he is an in-state standout, would raise eyebrows from the coaching community. His parents feel he should attend the meet but he is so excited to be asked out by a girl for the first time that he really wants to attend the dance.

My advice: Talk with him openly and ask him to identify the pro/cons of attending or not attending the gymnastics meet. Let him come up with both sides, rather than telling him what you (the parents) think. Tell him the decision is his and there is no wrong/right decision, only the one he makes. Tell him that whatever he decides, you will support his decision and love him unconditionally. The skill of making hard decisions, being able to weigh both sides, be comfortable with the decision, and live with the outcome is a life skill. Allowing for and teaching the child-athlete some autonomy in decision making is important for optimal development. If he does indeed attain a college scholarship, the ability to make the “right” decision and deal with conflicts between social engagements, training and competition will inevitably occur, so teaching him decision making skills as an adolescent will serve him well later. I also stressed to the parents that one meet will likely not make or break his scholarship opportunities.

What should he do? What should the parents do? How would you handle this situation?

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• SportsPLUS, Family/Parenting, Youth, High School, Student-Athlete

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• parents
• youth sport
• youth athletes
• sport parents
• sport psychology