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Well, unless you’ve been living under a rock with poor wifi reception, you know there was a big game last night. That’s right my hockey team, your beloved Piranhas squared off against the hated Ice Barons. Although Ice Barons is a pretty terrible name for a hockey team, it doesn’t hold a candle to Piranhas. And check out our logo. It’s pretty low-res, but if you look closely, you can see he has gingivitis. (Remember to floss daily. Brushing alone isn’t enough!) At any rate, we lost, 5-3. I am the goalie and I gave up five goals — frowny face. Truthfully it should have been four because one was on a high stick the ref missed. It’s all very upsetting.

Ok, I kid. Well, not really. We did have a game last night and we did lose but so did our (growly announcer voice)CLEVELAND CAVALIERS!( /growly announcer voice) For the first time, the Cavs were facing longtime “savior” and now prodigal son, so-and-so.

Now, since I was playing hockey I didn’t see the whole game, but I did catch the beginning. And evidently I stopped watching at exactly the right time. When I stopped watching, the Cavs were winning, that mindless twit was playing passively and Drew Carey was looking skinny and kind of creepy actually. After that, festering puss bucket played really well. I would have expected as much, but I hoped maybe he’d be injured somehow and unable to perform. Did he take any shots left-handed? No? Did he complain that Heat fans took him for granted? No? Did he note the irony that “Heat fan” is oxymoronic? No! Tell me that he at least looked syphilitic? Yes?! Please tell me yes! This is all I need out of life.

Turns out that that insolent cad is pretty good at basketball. We all knew and that was never the point. In the seven years I watched him play, I probably only saw him play a handful of truly bad games. I expected that he’d play well. And he did. I didn’t have to see the game to know the ease with which he dominated is the perfect indictment against his performance against the Celtics in last year’s playoffs. I know back then he was concentrating on faking an elbow injury, but he’s a gifted charlatan and even when distracted he can put 25-5-5 on you.

Oh well. I wanted to be mad, but I’m haven’t been able to sustain the anger all these months. Once you realize somebody quit on you, there’s no sense in being upset. There’s no running down the street after them or standing outside their house, boom box raised overhead. Maybe I’m wistful for the old timey 2008 team, but overall, it’s meh. Not to say it didn’t sting, seeing him in an opponent’s uniform. Yesterday it was like your ex-wife showing up at your house in her shiny new Ferrari with her handsome (basketball skills-wise) new boyfriend (Dwyade) and their lovable pet t-rex (Chirs Bosh).

So it goes in Cleveland . All we can hope for now is an angry Dan Gilbert response letter.

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