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My grandfather used to say, “If you can’t root for your own team, you must root for your better.”

This is possibly the most painful piece of sage advice I’ve ever suffered through.

Have you ever TRIED to root for your better? To root for the team who crushed your hopes and dreams?

It hurts.

This year it would mean I am supposed to root for THE JETS.

ARE YOU SERIOUS GRANDPA??? YOU EXPECT ME TO ROOT FOR THE DAMNED JETS?

I cannot root for THE JETS. First of all I can’t root for any team coached by Rex Ryan because he gets on my nerves in intangible and teeth grinding ways.

I cannot root for THE JETS because of their little cheer. I have a very firm personal guideline that crowds chanting numbers or letters cannot end well, ever.

I cannot root for THE JETS because I think that Jimmy Hoffa is buried in their stadium.

Or, he used to be. Maybe. That might mean that their new stadium has ghosts. Ghosts are bad.

I could root for New England, because at least they didn’t crush us. They might’ve later, but I can pretend we would’ve beaten them. I could root for Seattle as they beat New Orleans which was good in my sight and pleased me well.

But, THE JETS? I am really supposed to embrace sportsmanship to such a degree that I root for the team that beat me? Even when it’s the damn NEW YORK JETS?

I suppose it’s a measure of maturity, a measure of my own degree of sportsmanship and good nature that I embrace a positive outlook now and do indeed root for the team that proved themselves the better of my Colts.

Thus, I ask that you understand all of these factors when I calmly say to you….

GO SEATTLE.

The Jets can suck it.

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