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I put off writing this blog post all day yesterday, thinking by this morning I would have a better idea of what to say about yesterday's race.


Some friends and family who ran the race

But I've still got nothing.

I didn't have a ton of fun (mainly because I was in pain the whole time).

I didn't break any new time goals (in fact I finished slower than my last couple of races).

I ran with a friend, which I thought would be helpful in pushing me toward breaking the two hour mark, but in the end I think screwed me over. I felt guilty the entire time because my friend is so much faster than I am and I just felt like I was slowing us down.

In the corrals, probably the last time I smiled the whole race.
At the end of the day, it's my fault. I didn't run my own race. I let me friend set the pace and I tried to keep up. We started out slower than my goal pace, but probably still too fast for me.

My legs felt like deadweight for most of the race. I took a short walk break through the water stop between miles three and four and after that my legs felt a little looser, but they tightened up again not much later.

I couldn't even enjoy the spectators standing three and four deep along Chestnut Street because I was focusing on my crappy breathing, how sore and tired my legs were and how everything about this race felt wrong.


Spectators on Chestnut St.

I passed my dad somewhere after the 10K and seeing him perked me up a little bit (he also got some shots of great signs along Chestnut Street while trying to take pictures of me and my mom).


This one was my favorite: Hurry up Caitlin, it's your move in Words With Friends.
Also my mom is the one in the pink shirt and black tights.

By the time I got to mile seven I was angry. Angry at my friend for running the race with me when I wanted to run it by myself. Angry with myself for not being able to run my own race.

After the next water stop, I finally put on my music, tuned out everything around me, friend included, and tried to have fun.

The music was definitely helpful and gave me a small pick me up. I high-fived the Drexel frat boys and pushed up the big hill from mile seven to eight without a real problem. I felt strong through mile nine, but the wheels fell off when I was going up the steep hill between miles nine and ten.

I stopped to walk and take a Gu, but at that point, mentally I was over the race. My legs hurts, my ankle hurt and I just wanted to be done. I felt so defeated.

And I think a huge part of it was that I felt like I was failing in front of a friend.

If I go out and have a bad race when I'm running by myself, no one else knows.

But in this race, I felt like my crappy failure of a run was on display for my friend to see, and failing in front of a crowd sucks so much more than failing when no one is watching.

By miles 11 and 12, both of my quads were seizing horribly and I could feel the blisters on the bottom of my feet.

I somehow managed to enjoy the race for the last .1. I smiled coming down the hill, seeing the finish line and listening to the crowds. And I was happy to cross the finish line.



My final time was 2:07:51.

I wish I had a mulligan to do this race over again. I would do so many things differently. I would listen to my music from the start. I would set my own pace. I would run by myself and run my own race and be happy with whatever the outcome because I know I gave my best.

Live and learn, I guess.

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• Marathon
• Running
• Sports

View Original Post at jessruns.com

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There is 1 comment on this post. Join the discussion!

BBrothers says:

Seriously? While I'm sure you feel it should all be about you maybe at least a passing comment about the two guys that died during the race would have been kinda cool.

I imagine that if they had been women we would have been hearing about the entire drama. Hopefully this will give some of you an opportunity to pause and reflect...and of course make sure you pick the right music on your iPod next time.

Twilight Zone Stuff. LIve and Learn indeed.

Monday, November 21, 2011 at 5:19pm EST

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