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Editor's note: Alison Starnes was one of the favorites going into the Women's Individual Time Trial Final last Sunday at the Pan American Games. She finished fifth, just 3 seconds out of a podium spot. She reflects below on the frustrations of being an elite athlete, spending 99.9% of your time preparing and only 0.1% of your time able to show the world what you've prepared to do. The pressure is intense!

When unfortunate events occur, you are supposed to then think of the positives.

Positives. Right. Positives. What are those again? I will let you know when I think of them.

Did you prepare? Did you do all that you could do? Did you train right, eat right, and plan right? Yes, yes, and yes.

Well, then you know how to do it. You did it. And that is positive. Or so I am told. I was also told that plenty of other people can think of the negatives. Well, so can I.

You can only control your “controllables”. The rest is left to itself.

I learned how to prepare. I learned focus, specificity, and chance. I also learned that sometimes, in a blink of an eye, it all can come crashing down. Literally. It is back to the process. The reset button. The vision into the future. Take what you learn and build upon it. But I am not ready to do that quite yet.

I am in need of some recovery, some healing, and maybe a bit of wallowing.

I will ponder upon the notion of the positives, and maybe let you know if I come up with anything.

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• 2011 Pan American Games

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